Stitched a while on my "Cdc" this Sunday, though I didn't manage as much time in as I had hoped for. Stuff happens!! The new section is of the darker over-dyed thread where the glass piece is pointing...and the lower continuation of the color to the left-hand side.
I blended the lower section thread 1 ply with a thread of Balger med. gold metallic to soften the color and add more sparkle so it would work with the upper right-hand corner medallion. I like how that worked. So, now it's a matter of choosing "strengths" of color, and knowing when to blend metallic.... and when to change to the next over-dyed hue as I move along!
Seriously changing the subject here:
Christmas is a difficult time for so many. When I think of how many suffer over the holidays, my heart just goes out to them. And, when I remember the times in our own lives that Christmas was a mess, and not wonderful in the memory of it...I feel so deeply saddened that I couldn't wipe it away and make it all better; as if it were just a story on a page, or a drawing in chalk that could so easily be redrawn. Life, as they say, just isn't that way.
As you get older, or maybe it's just me, one tends to hold up their lives and actions as if it were possible to make some sense of it all. To see through all the pattern of it like a piece of lace held up to the light. We each have good and perfect people, places and things that cross our life paths, and also, nightmarish, sad and regretful things. One just hopes and prays that she has loved enough and given enough of her "good heart-side" to make the rest pale in comparison. One hopes and prays that at the end, the lace itself with be enough to be remembered as a moment of beauty in time and space. An overall pattern of knots and open spaces that was difficult to make, and caused some pain and trouble, but resulted in something that could be seen as a thing of encouragement to others in the end. Something that said, love made it through brilliantly.
But, maybe it doesn't always seem that way to others...maybe it's just too difficult for children to lose their dad at such early ages, and it's something that truly "ruined" their lives in a way that can't be "fixed." I don't know.
I used to hope I could make it bearable by being there and loving and showing tremendous support for my children. I gave it all I had to give as a mother. I suffered my own grief, walked my own road, made good and awful decisions that effected us all; and tried my level best to give my children a core family, love, understanding and respect; as well as an A #1, sterling USA education that was all money could buy...so they could have a great foundation for their own futures. That with alot of prayer and guidance was all I knew to do.
But, you know what? Nothing can really take the place of a real dad. Nobody else can fill the gap. No one can nurture and love a child like their real father....nobody really loves them that much, no matter how much they try. The hole that's left can not be filled. Whether by scores of "father figures" through schools, sports and family and a "new" dad...or by tales/stories of how much their dad loved-- would have been so proud-- was just like you--- so much like your brother--would have wanted to be a part of that--- would have loved guiding you and talking with you, reading with you, playing music with you, touring France with you, choosing a law school with you, helping you find your first apt. and car, seeing you married, watching you with your newborn child, knowing his grandchild... None of that really can make up for the fact that, "My Dad died. I was too young to really know him. I didn't have, don't have, and never will have my dad. I can't look forward to spending time with my dad and child, because he's not here. He was and is gone, and that is final, and I will never see or know him as an adult....ever. And, neither will my child."
Tough to hear, tough to know, and tough to live and still live with as a mom. Never underestimate the value of being a parent and of your children having their parents. It is so basic and so foundational, and; yet, we, in this modern age, have forgotten that it is a fact. Children need to know where/who they came from. Christmas is the perfect time to let them know with pictures and stories of their family heritage.
Christmas isn't the easiest time in our family. We have broken hearts that are patched together, and laced with love and good things.....but we have a hole in our Valentine. Nobody else can fill it, all we can do is look at it a quick moment together and recount how we've survived, and how we made the best of it we could, and acknowledge how much it still hurts. How angry it still makes us.
I hope if any of you are or have experienced sadness at Christmastime, you'll take heart in the thing that gives me the most comfort:
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever (even the lowliest we can think of type of person...) believes on Him (believes that He came to take us out of the prison of darkness and to set us free from our own harmful choices against eachother and ourselves, and to lead us like a loving parent would through this life with it's difficult challenges and opportunities...) will not die, but will go on to live an everlasting life (in paradise, where He causes there to be no more tears and sadness, no more evil and unkindness, no more heartbreak, no more misundertandings, no more empty spaces....only love and light and understanding and reunion of hearts and loved ones)." Because we know that this world and this life is fleeting and fragile, and that there's no hope except in Love. Every single one of us knows it in our heart of hearts. Love is eternal, never ends, never dies, doesn't keep account of wrongs, hopes the best for us, forgives and forgets, protects and comforts us. Love is all there is that matters. Love is the reason we live. "God is Love."
I'm off to Boston for Christmas...and I'm carrying a renewed hope for a wonderful time of love and celebration in this new generation of Duncans. Because my little granddaugter has a daddy. And, he's going to stay!!! And, I know it will make all the difference.